You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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