dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
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