Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
