nut hugger
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My vagina is officially offended.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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