i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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