God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
