I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
