Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
