i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
40s are totally the cure
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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