He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
