just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So here I am, sexting at work.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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