just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
