I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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