You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
whose parrot is this?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
