i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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