Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
