So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
