remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
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