His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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