his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I want to fling myself into the sun
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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