OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
