My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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