Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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