i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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