Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
