Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
