Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
