im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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