I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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