well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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