I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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