I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
