Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
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You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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