If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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