I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
