I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
