I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
