i would punch a child for taco bell
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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