Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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