batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
soo... how was my night?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
