I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
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woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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