you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
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The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
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YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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