k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
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Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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