just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
