Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
