you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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