Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
