and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
