i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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