I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
