When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you had me at cake vodka
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
