summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
