Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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