I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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