he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
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I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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