We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
