i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
