This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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