just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
