I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
