They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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