If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
