We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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