I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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