Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
