If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
